


Home in your Hands

by BelleRed20



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelleRed20/pseuds/BelleRed20
Summary: “Clarke, Echo was right. I need you. It has always been you.” Her eyes flew up into his, wide with shock.“My heart belongs to you Clarke. I’m tired of running from this, how I feel” Clarke’s voice was betraying her; she couldn’t put two sentences together let alone two words. She was trying to keep up with how she felt inside, but the once brave, unshakable, intimidating Wanheda was momentarily powerless.After Bellamy loses Octavia to the anomaly, he seeks out Clarke for comfort. Season 7 speculation fic. These two deserve happiness. I will go down with this ship. *Comments and Kudos make me smile ;)
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 57





	Home in your Hands

Almost an entire day had passed; things were beginning to settle after Russell Lightbourne and his family tried to take down Clarke, blame her for destroying their home, and their entire way of life. There wasn’t a corner of the galaxy where Clarke felt that her and Madi were safe. She didn’t know what her next move should be or where she should go. After nearly dying at the hands of Josephine, letting go of her mother’s outstretched hand from an airlock container and holding one of the bravest girls hands after she battled the darkest of commanders; Clarke was utterly drained. The events that transpired in the past 24 hours had the power to unhinge the sanest of people let alone one with armor as cracked as Clarke’s.

She felt absolutely defeated, vulnerable, and unwilling to pick up anymore pieces from the fallout of death and destruction. She needed support, someone to hold her up. Through all the betrayals she faced, agonizing decisions that were made, and the chaos that ensued; Clarke was always the one to shoulder the blame. She was barely holding herself together, if it wasn’t for Madi keeping her grounded Clarke really wasn’t sure where she would be. Would she be alive? Sitting alone in her room she kept thinking about what her life had become. This isn’t how she pictured it; she would give anything to transport herself into one of her own drawings, her current reality far from what she dreamed for herself all those years ago on the space station. 

Her life was light years from what it used to be, so much simpler back then. Now, looking in the mirror, she wouldn't even recognize the person staring back at her. 

She desperately needed someone, anyone to talk her off the ledge of failure. She was drowning from the guilt, full to the brim with shame and hatred for once again letting her people down. The pressure in her chest was rising, making it difficult to focus with every breath she took. She felt a burning sensation crawl up her rib cage, a lingering ache that never lessened with time. Her mistakes were building one on top of the other. She thought about the day she almost pulled the trigger, out there on the hill covered in sand, bleeding and burnt-after Praimfaya had scorched the land. She was begging for mercy. Pleading for help. Clarke knew her demons were cackling at her trying to make her spiral down even further. 

The things Clarke has seen, done, destroyed; haunt her most nights. She was silently replaying the events that unfolded in Sanctum. She sifted through the rubble that was collecting between her temples, heaps of wreckage from everything that transpired. What was she going to do?

If Clarke had been a little smarter maybe things would have turned out differently. She would still have her mother. Her friends wouldn’t hate her. And she wouldn’t feel this broken. Clarke should have stayed away from Sanctum when she had the chance, but Monty’s voice was in the back of her mind willing her to do better. Make life better this time around. 

She just couldn’t let that go. She had wanted to do that for so long. She couldn’t help feeling that her so called ‘friends’ who so harshly judged her, would be as willing to sacrifice everything that she had; make those tough decisions she was forced to make? That was the price of being a leader and that was the price Clarke was paying. She had become the ultimate scape goat for so many; undeserved or not. If you could even call them ‘her’ people anymore.

Clarke had no real friends. She felt unwanted, alone, and afraid; especially tonight. There was an all consuming, regretful, and downright foolish mistake she couldn’t let go of. She wished she could take back a moment of pure weakness that almost cost her everything. She never would have attended that Sanctum party or danced with a complete stranger. She was smarter than that, knew the dangers. He took advantage of her, abducted her body, and sacrificed her soul like a lamb to slaughter for the Lightbourne’s. She fell directly into the hands of a demented man and his family who would do anything to stay immortalized. 

She was sick with the shame. Clarke was sliding down a pit of despair; clawing her way to stay up. She just wanted a moment of reprieve from the mayhem that surrounded her life, to not have to be the ‘responsible’ savior for once, so she danced. It was so unlike her, wanting to escape. To let her guard down just once. She deserved a night where she didn’t have to think about anything or save anyone. But what she got in return was fighting to save her own life after Josephine almost ripped it from her hands.

Clarke was holding back years of hurt, rage, and contempt. Her tears would eventually pour over,  
if she let them. Dam breaking. She needed to release some of the pressure that was building, anxiety consuming her whole. She was tired of losing the battles. She couldn’t bare anymore losses.

Propped up on the edge of her bed Clarke was unresponsive, motionless, her own state of mind going around in circles like a merry go round of sin. She normally would be better at hiding her feelings, pace the room, write down a game plan in her notebook, one that made sense to her. But absolutely nothing made sense to Clarke, everything was senseless. The tears were slowly streaking down her face. 

She desperately needed to feel something- release her emotions in some kind of way. Crying seemed easiest. She was tired, bruised and exhausted and thankfully Madi was not around to witness this emotional meltdown. She was staying with Raven tonight across camp to be monitored for any changes, after the chip had finally been taken out, to which Clarke was now grateful for. When she had time to herself is when the guilt would slowly creep back in. She thought of her mother’s face and started to cry a little harder. She missed her so much already, wanted to see her one last time. Talk to her. Clarke didn’t want to think about how alone she really felt. Who she had left to rely on.

She knew once her flood gate was open no amount of force could stop it. So, she cried tears of anguish, her throat closing, blurred vision, letting them fall. It was no fault of her own that she never fully had a chance to heal or recover. She couldn’t even grieve properly without some type of imminent danger encroaching, threatening those she loved. She was tired of fighting, repeating past mistakes over and over. Never learning from them. Placing a hand over her mouth she let out a loud whimper.

She had wanted to break down right then and there until she heard two loud knocks on her door. Figuring that it was Madi returning for something she had left Clarke quickly swiped at her face, rubbing the worry from underneath her eyes. She didn’t want to startle her with the reasons for her breaking down alone. But she heard a deeper voice coming from the other side, “Clarke are you in there?” realizing who the voice belonged to, she slowly made her way to the door. She peered through the crack and there standing before her was a solemn, disheveled, and very lost looking Bellamy. The desperation in his eyes pierced hers and in that moment, she knew something was terribly wrong. “Bellamy what happened?” 

She could tell he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. His eyes were red rimmed and puffy. Much like her own. The back of his hair was sticking up in various places like he had been running his hands through it non-stop. He was clearly in distress mode, “Clarke, I can’t do this anymore.” Clarke didn’t quite understand what he was talking about, so she gave him a look of confusion, crinkling her eyebrows together. “Please come inside Bellamy.” She led him through the door and watched as he quickly paced the room like a caged animal. Breathing heavy, he was running his palms across his face, neck and beard- back and forth until Clarke spoke up, “Bellamy what happened to you tonight?” 

As if he was unsure himself, he took a deep breath before he went on,“Clarke, I don’t even know what happened tonight.” She could see his eyes glaze over thinking about what he had witnessed. She closed the door and waited for him to speak. He was still visibly shaking, working the room over and thinking through how exactly he should explain this. It was worrying Clarke to see him so distraught. “Bellamy look at me. Start from the beginning.”

Clarke could tell he was dancing around something dangerous behind his eyes; from all the years learning his every behavior, his mannerisms, expressions and physicality; she knew every warning sign to a fault. It was as if the worry lines around his eyes were permanently stained there, bled into his skin. Bellamy closed his eyes tightly, making every fiber within her body tense up. She was clenching her fingers in her palm waiting for more. But as soon as she was about to speak, he turned towards her, stopped in his tracks and made his way to where she was standing. Eyes fixed on hers. He grabbed ahold of her hands and looked deep into her eyes.

“Clarke, Octavia vanished right through my hands.” Looking down at his own as if he couldn’t believe it himself. He was mere inches from her face now and she could see Bellamy was silently falling apart on the inside. He wrinkled his upper cheek bones willing the tears to stay back but the force of it was turning his freckles a rosy shade of pink. He shook his head in disbelief. Clarke squeezed them forcefully, willing him to continue with what happened. She still wasn’t quite understanding where Octavia went. “She’s gone Clarke. Octavia is gone. I don’t know what is going on anymore. Please..help me...I don’t...” he was rambling now flirting with manic energy and his eyes had fallen shut. The anomaly had taken the one thing he was always responsible for “Bellamy, I don’t understand how this happened, where did she go?”

“That’s what I’m trying to explain to you.. I couldn’t protect her...like I should have.” Clarke needed more information about this so-called anomaly, what was it, where was it, and what was going on around it? Her mind was reeling with the possibilities. "One minute we were standing in the anomaly and the next thing I know Diyoza’s daughter appears through it and plunges a knife into my sister’s stomach. She fell into my arms and vanished.” Bellamy was still staring at his hands longingly. “ I lost her again Clarke.” He bit his lip and started to softly whimper with tears escaping down his face. She instantly felt remorse for pressing him for answers she knew he didn’t have. “Bellamy look at me...hey...shhhh...look at me.”

Bellamy was giving into his emotions now in the exact same way Clarke was going to before he showed up at her door. Clarke tried her best to calm him down. She knew the exact words he needed to hear “I promise you Bellamy, we are going to find her.” Clarke was so close to his face, she reached up and drug her hand through his hair, squeezing the back of his neck. She was grazing her fingers up and down his scalp willing him to calm down. Bellamy let go of a deep sigh feeling Clarke’s caress. She was soothing his mind in a way no one else could. If she understood a fraction of how her touch kept him sane. The magnitude that her words carried to aid his fragile heart. “Clarke, what have I done? I should have forgiven my sister when I had the chance. I was running through the woods yelling her name, begging the Universe to give her back. I keep losing people that I love. I’m so tired of all this.”

Clarke knew the feeling all too well having just lost her own mother. “Please tell me everything will be ok?” She could feel a shift in their dynamic when he started rubbing small soothing circles on her wrist with the pad of his finger. He looked so defeated. Clarke looked down at his hand. The energy was suddenly palpable in the room. 

He needed her. His proximity to her was dangerously close. Bellamy leaned down, bringing his hand towards her cheek running his fingers through her hair and letting his thumb glide down her temple. He had done this before in the past but something about tonight sent sporadic shivers soaring down her spine. He let out another exhale. Clarke couldn’t move a muscle.

The air was thick with emotion, charged, unvoiced words between the two of them. Clarke could feel that things were headed into uncharted territory. Her stomach was a ball of nerves unsure of what they were really doing. He was so close to her. Bellamy brought his hands up to stroke the side of her face with the inside of his thumb, a fluid motion back and forth on her cheek. She closed her eyes at his touch, feeling the intensity of his gaze behind her eyelids. Being this close to her was calming him down, she could feel it in his touch, tension subsiding. When she opened her eyes he was still staring into hers. She bit the inside of her cheek to calm her nerves.

Clarke was getting antsy. She knew a moment like this was long overdue, but she was suddenly finding it extremely hard to breath, let alone keep eye contact with him. Her hands started to tremble, and Bellamy shifted his body even closer to her than before, his eyes giving away exactly how he was feeling, like she was the only person that could make this better.   
Clarke didn’t know what to do next, so she asked Bellamy calmly and quietly for more information. ”How did you get back here?!” As if understanding her need for some space he stepped backwards. He let his hands fall back down to his sides and Clarke let out a breath she was holding through her nostrils. 

“Echo was there trying to comfort me but I snapped at her, told her that I just needed my family.” Clarke was still reeling from this whole situation realizing that Bellamy would need serious help to bring Octavia home. Bellamy kept telling her more than she could mentally process. “She glared at me with pure exhaustion, knowing full well she wasn’t helping and asked was she not my family too?!.” “When I remained silent that was all the answer she needed to hear.” Bellamy swiped at a single tear that had traveled down his upper lip. He sniffled a little and put his hand to the back of his neck to soothe his nerves. Clarke was motionless, deadly afraid of what he was going to say next. She swallowed hard.

“And I knew in that moment that everything had changed between us.”

Clarke was doing her best to focus but Bellamy was exposing more and more details. She was finding it difficult to communicate anything meaningful when he was letting her see all the cards left within his hand. He grabbed Clarke’s pinkie finger, “Echo leaned in and hugged me one last time and told me to come find you. I knew in that moment it was over” Clarke was doing her best to keep it together, but the way Bellamy was clinging to her and the words he was saying made it nearly impossible to remain calm. She had this feeling he was about to say something drastic. Clarke nearly choked on her own heartbeat. “So I started walking back here to you.” Her pulse was rapidly increasing, the honesty on his face was puncturing holes in her already deteriorating resolve.

Clarke was falling apart on the inside.

Bellamy was finding it hard to continue with more unshed tears behind his eyes. This night had been a total disaster. He was willing her to take the reins back, he couldn’t think about any of this any longer. He just laid out everything that happened in the woods, waiting on her response. She couldn’t look at his face for fear she would start to cry. Tingles were racing back and forth underneath her skin like a thousand fire ants had bitten her. She really wanted to hear more about this anomaly but knew Bellamy wasn’t done with whatever he was holding at the surface for Clarke to hear, which was scaring her. She wasn’t fully prepared for what they were revealing to one another. She felt a sharp instinct to flee. But she wanted to hear more from him. She definitely wasn’t expecting Bellamy to tell her about him and Echo breaking up. It was making her oddly anxious and relieved at the same time. A feeling Clarke had felt in the past when she had stolen glances of the two of them together. And now he was standing here telling her they were over. Fire was shooting up her neck, heating her thoroughly, up one side and down the other, panic was setting in. Bellamy was looking at her for reassurance, “Clarke, Echo was right. I need you. It’s always been you.” Her eyes flew up into his, wide with shock, trying to believe her own ears. She brought her hand up to her throat willing her body to settle down. She closed her eyes, from the truth of his words. Bellamy was touching her arms now, slowly moving his hands up and down.

This was all too much. How could this be happening right now?

Clarke finally stopped breathing all together when he moved in closer. He was checking her reaction to see if his words had the same effect on her as it did him. He must have thought she was alright because he kept going, getting brave, “My heart belongs to you Clarke. I’m tired of running from this, how I feel about you.” Clarke’s voice was betraying her; she couldn’t put two sentences together let alone two words. She was trying to keep up with how she felt inside, but the once brave, unshakable, intimidating Wanheda was momentarily powerless. She never thought they would be standing here, exposing their feelings. The enormity of it all was heating her face, causing her to shift her shoulder away from him. Too much. Or not enough. She couldn’t decide. This was Bellamy. He was obviously distraught she thought to herself, maybe he wasn’t thinking clearly. A soft sob escaped Clarke’s throat. She knew her reaction would mean everything to him. She had to make sure this was right. He was staring back at her willing her to do something, say something to ease his nerves. Clarke couldn’t move a muscle; she was rendered speechless, frozen with fear. Bellamy meant more to her than he even realized. _Say something...Clarke say something._

Clarke was finding it difficult to process all of this. Her pulse was rapidly increasing, his truthful, gut wrenching words, left her dizzy with emotion. He was waiting for her. Bellamy knew Clarke was struggling, his revelation was violently rattling the guard rails of her heart. So he waited. Bellamy let go of a large exhale himself, feeling as though he just released a thousand secrets into the atmosphere and they were both doomed because of it. He was staring into her eyes hoping she was on the same wavelength as him, willing her to take the plunge. He spoke, “Clarke, look at me.” But Clarke was so scared to open her mouth, everyone she loved died. He meant so much to her. They had never revealed anything like this to one another. Her pulse was a loud woosh in her ears, deafening. This was make or break. She was trembling down her legs, like every live wire in her body was short circuiting. Bellamy deserved to know how she felt but the debilitating fear was getting the better of her. Did he honestly mean this or was it just because he was so upset from all that happened tonight, losing his sister to the anomaly and breaking it off with Echo. Bellamy’s eyelashes were blinking back held tears now desperately searching her own, he kept silent, knowing his message was received but she was stalling. “Clarke, please.” Clarke could feel her pulse throbbing uncontrollably; she was roaming his eyes for answers, looking for any reason as to why this was a mistake. All she found was brutal honesty and hope staring back at her. 

  
It was making her feel things that she had never let herself voice out loud, feelings for this man she had kept unspoken and hidden until now. And he was pushing her; barreling through her insecurities willing her to follow his lead. She couldn’t handle the emotions that were threatening to consume her. She let her chin drop down to her chest afraid to look him in the eyes any longer. She was biting back more tears. Brows furrowed with fear. Clarke wasn’t good with her feelings, years of reluctance to let someone in – get close to someone, especially from her past relationships. But Bellamy wasn’t just someone. He had power over her. Clarke’s heart was shattered and hardened by this cruel existence. But Bellamy wasn’t letting her run from this, he was risking it all to put it back together. He was ready- done fighting it. Bellamy of all people was well aware of how Clarke operates- he knew her inside and out. He could see the telltale signs of dismissal from a mile away. So, he shifted that much closer to her. He was confronting her head on. In the back of his mind he always knew she would put up a fight, outright honesty was hard for Clarke to take in-let alone accept. But he wasn’t stopping this time. He was done running. They were doing this tonight. He needed her. “Clarke, she’s not you. I need you. It has always been you. You’re my home.” With an innocent smile of sheer courage, he pushed her to accept his words, eviscerating every barrier she had standing. He knew she wanted him, wanted this. It was making her want to scream his name in anger, launch her fist at his stupidly beautiful face for exposing this weakness. Bellamy had always been her true weakness. If he only knew how much power and influence, he had over her. She tried to fight what she felt for him for so long, but Clarke knew she was finally caught. He had her cornered. 

He was forcing her hand to open up to him, palm out waiting for her to take it.

  
The same heart Bellamy willed back to life with his own hands, was betraying her. She remembered every word he spoke to her that night, “Come on Clarke, come on. Clarke, I need you, Madi needs you, now WAKE UP! I’m not letting you go.” Clarke was biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying even harder thinking of his voice in her mind space. Bellamy was a large part of why she survived for so long, yet she was blinded with fear on what to say to him. He was being so patient with her, waiting until she was ready. He knew she was creating reasons in that head of hers. “Look at me Clarke” there was a fear on her face that Bellamy had never seen before; like the entire galaxy was pressing down on her to open her heart. She was trying to deflect and now he knew it. “Don’t be scared Clarke.” “Bellamy...you’re really upset tonight and maybe not thinking straiiigh....” But before she could finish that sentence Bellamy placed his pointer finger over her mouth pressing into her lip to stop her from continuing, he replaced it with his thumb stroking the bottom of her mouth from side to side. Eyes fixed on her. “No Clarke don’t do this...please... I’m thinking clearer than I ever have in my life and using this head of mine. I just walked miles through the forest to get back here so I can finally say what I should have said to you a long time ago.” She took a deep breath in and swallowed hard. Her pulse was pounding through her ear drums.   
She couldn’t hide from him. Just minutes ago she was alone in her room surrounded by her doubts and insecurities. But right now, Clarke felt like every single choice or decision was leading her to this moment with Bellamy. He was physically here in front of her, telling her he wanted this, she wasn’t speaking to him through a walkie talkie, no space was keeping them apart, and no obstacles were trying to separate them. They were here. Clarke knew Bellamy would catch her, she just had to fall into his open arms. The feelings she had buried deep inside needed set free, needed a home. She averted her attention back to the floor, the only safe space left, she knew his brown eyes were pleading for hers to be brave, she looked towards the floor, “Bell....please...just.... this is all.... I don’t know if...” Bellamy wasn’t going to let Clarke run away this time, make excuses, so he plunged forward placing his left hand on her abdomen splaying his palm across her stomach pushing in towards her body- with a low growl and sigh- easing them backwards into the door frame. Clarke followed no longer able to resist the feel of him surrounding her. He was so close now she could feel his breath on her skin. “Why are you making this so tough Princess.” Both of his hands came up around her ears, cradling her skull on either side of her face willing her to look at him. “Clarke, I’m done running, got it.” Caressing her face in his hands. “I tried once and it almost killed me.” A small whimper escaped her mouth and she started shaking her head from side to side like this wasn’t real. “Bellamy...I just don’t think we can...I don’t know if the timing is...” her babbling only fueled Bellamy forward. He wanted to make her see that what they were doing was right. She was his and he was hers. They were a team in this if she would just surrender.   
He would beg and plead if he had to. He touched his forehead against hers willing her to lay down her defenses, “Please Clarke...I need you.” his words and voice alone were her undoing. He was staring directly into her soul. He was giving her the courage and strength to do this. He was stroking her face now almost nose to nose with her. “Clarke, I’m in love with you.” And there it was. The last knife plunged into her stomach, fortress penetrated, literally under siege by Bellamy Blake. He was fighting for her heart and Clarke was stripped clean of all weaponry, nothing left in her arsenal to use against him. Damn him. “Bell...I’m so scared” she whispered sobbing softly into his hands. Bellamy was not letting her go, he was holding her against the door frame like she was made of the rarest China. He wasn’t going to waste another moment not loving Clarke Griffin. He would slash through every demon standing in their way, putting up any kind of doubt or fear in her mind. Bellamy reached down for the palm of her hand and brought it up to his mouth kissing the back of it and placing it over his heart. She could feel it beating erratically. “Clarke just listen to me...and listen to me carefully.... I cannot ...and I will not ...lose you again. I won’t survive it. You mean everything to me...head and the heart...and this right here...it’s yours.” Bellamy was pressing her palm into his rib cage where his heart was wildly thumping.  
Clarke was so afraid of failing Bellamy. Afraid to lose him. But he was blazing a path forward that she could see for her future and she wanted it so badly. The sheer weight and magnitude of Bellamy’s words destroyed what was left of her armor, he was scaling her emotions, her fears, and breathing new life into her lungs for the first time in years. She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down her face. “I’m scared too Clarke...so scared of losing you and losing this. But you and I are survivors, together we can do anything” Clarke knew Bellamy wanted to hear the words she guarded so fierce. He deserved to know how she felt about him too. He was more than just the guiding light keeping her alive, his hands were the ones holding her together figuratively and literally for so many years, protecting her. “I’m in love with you too Bellamy... I’ve never stopped loving you....and I’m terrified.” It was as if a weight had been lifted from her chest, she was freer, and lighter having spoken the words out loud. It seemed like everything was moving so fast and so slow at the same time. Bellamy swiftly reached for her jaw and in one fluid motion crashed his mouth down onto hers pushing her further up into the door frame. She whimpered at the contact. Their lips danced slowly at first testing the waters, urgency soon set in. Their needs increasing with every pass of their mouth against each other. He released her, breathed in deep, and smiled against her face. Bellamy needed more of her. He would never have enough. She was reviving him little by little. He went back in for more of her. He was stroking his tongue further into her mouth drawing her out. Clarke softly moaned sliding her tongue against his languidly. Breathing shallow. He started kissing the side of her cheek, peppered kisses down the column of her throat. Clarke was focusing on how erratic her breathing was, she couldn’t fill air in her lungs. She lost all coherent thought of her surroundings the minute he started kissing her. When he leaned down towards her chest, placing his ear close to her heart she cried out softly. Her hands wrapped around his head. “Josephine never stood a chance against this heart of yours...you know that..you’re so strong. You’re so much stronger than I am Clarke.” Clarke’s ribcage was rising and falling at such a fast tempo she was on the verge of blacking out. He needed to stop saying things like this or she was going to start breaking down in tears. “I want to take away your pain Clarke, your worries, your fears, give some of that to me ...let me bear some of the burden. You're not doing this alone anymore. I’m here. Even though you couldn’t hear my voice over the radio... or feel my touch... or see my face...I was up there in space thinking about you every second of every hour of every day… I thought I had lost you forever.” Bellamy and his beautiful words. Clarke was holding back tears. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. She brought her hands up to his face understanding the deep scars he couldn’t hide, she could see them behind his eyes. They had both been through so much. “You and I are more powerful than anything the galaxy can throw at us.” Now Bellamy’s flood gates were open, telling her everything he had wanted to for years. “Bellamy,” her voice was a question soft and unsure. But not scared and for that he was grateful. “Echo was right...you’re my family...you’re my home. I just want you” smiling up at him. It was the most radiant thing he had ever seen, seeing her smile up at him. Bellamy was taken back by how beautiful of a human this woman was. He was living for her happiness. How much strength it must have taken to survive for so long. Clarke touched her forehead to his. “And you take away my pain Bellamy.” Nobody could ever understand his soul like Clarke. 

Deep breaths Clarke...Deep breaths. You can do this.  
“I know you think I hate it when you push me, but I need you to push me a little more... you have to take the lead on what happens next.” Bellamy knew what she was meaning, and his cheeks turned a deep red- they were always a team. He shook his head smiling softly. “Clarke, stop overthinking.” This wouldn’t be any different, that he was sure. His heart started to rattle violently at the thought of touching Clarke. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here when you’re ready to go further.” He could tell she needed him to take control. He wanted to desperately show her what she had meant to him all these years. She put her hand on his face closing her eyes, nodding for him to continue. Finally, Bellamy leaned down and brushed his mouth against hers once more, bumping her forehead in the most intimate of ways. Bellamy reached his hands around Clarke’s waist and pulled her body flush to his slipping his thigh between her legs letting her feel his growing arousal. Clarke let out a low moan at the contact, hips surging against him without her consent. Her body wanting to be as close to him as physically possible.   
As she began to slowly grind against him, Bellamy finally gave in and let his need for her take over. He desperately wanted her in every way, to see what made up Clarke Griffin, the strong woman beneath the tough exterior. He wanted to drown in her rapture. His hands danced across her skin, mapping her body as his lips trailed down the column of her throat, chest, and clavicle- wanting to be everywhere at once. When his lips met the fabric of her shirt Bellamy looked into Clarke’s eyes asking if he could remove it. With a firm shake of her head saying (yes, I’m fine keep going) he slowly pulled her garments over her head. He lowered his mouth back down to her now bare breasts, feeling them with both hands, touch laden with devotion, using his tongue and fingers to prove his love to her in the most passionate of ways. She moaned audibly. He placed his ear close to her heart listening to it thud rapidly before he continued. It was enough of a gesture that Clarke had to fight her tears. “Hold on to me...just breathe Clarke” Bellamy knew this would be difficult for her after her confession of love, letting go of all lingering doubts, trusting him after everything she had been through. So he was taking things slow hoping she wasn’t going to run scared for the hills. He continued to press soft kisses across her collar bone and breasts, sucking on one spot near the side of her ribs that had a small scar. He pressed his fingers to it as if he could erase it by touch. He was stroking the space between her stomach and ribcage up and down easing her into what he wanted to do next, invading all space. Clarke was seriously on the precipice of passing out from pure arousal. She let herself give in to his talented lips and hands reading her like an open book. He knew her body language completely. “Bellamy...aaaaah...you...are…just” her voice was barely a whisper in his ear. It made Bellamy smile knowing that she was trying to hold it together and was beginning to let down her guard and open up to him fully. She had her hands snaked within his hair holding on for dear life.   
When he felt her knees growing weak, he led her slowly across the room closer to her bed. She was removing the last barriers between them unbuckling Bellamy’s pants with nimble fingers and her own. Bellamy suddenly understood what she was doing so he reached for her hands. “No, let me. Lean back on the bed Clarke, I’ll take them off.” He wanted to do this. Clarke certainly wasn’t shy about her body, her curves or her voluptuous features, but she felt nervous exposing this side to him. He gripped the leather at the top and slowly pulled them down her thighs, past her knees, down her legs, caressing her ankles as he went. She was finally laid bare. Bellamy was rendered speechless when he took in the sight of her. Now he was the one close to blacking out, Clarke was fully exposed, and she couldn’t help the crimson blush that spread across her face. “Stop staring...take off your pants Bellamy.” Bellamy was still standing there drinking her in with his eyes, swallowing thickly.

“Bell! Listen..you’re making me nervous.” She gave him a shy toothy grin making it known she wasn’t too serious with her accusation. ( I love you. I trust you. I want you.) She reached for his hand to pull him closer to her. She wanted to feel the warmth of his body on hers. Bellamy stripped down as fast as he possibly could and fell to his knees in front of her. Gripping the flesh on her thighs, hands spread wide- caressing her legs up and back down. He wanted to worship Clarke’s body first. “God, you’re so gorgeous Clarke.” Clarke felt exposed to him in the best way possible. She suddenly didn’t know where to put her hands, so she reached for his own to pull him up her body. “Come here Bellamy.” He was following her lead now. She once again started kissing him, touching the hair on his face, rubbing the crease between his eyebrows. Bellamy shut his eyes breathing in deeply. Relaxing fully. “Clarke.” He was slowly losing the resolve to move further down her body, the heat of her like a magnet he was drawn to. He slowly kissed his way down her neck, across her stomach, only pausing when he found another long-raised scar there as well, pressing his lips to it. “I’ve never seen this one before, touching it with an open mouth. I want to find them all before tonight is over.” Never in his wildest dreams would he believe that he and Clarke would finally be here in this moment. He wanted her to feel like she could pour every trauma and regret into him, the years they spent apart - dreaming of seeing each other again, the pleas for help he wasn’t there to answer, and the fear behind her eyes. His mouth traveled further down her body going past her belly button wanting to release every single burden Clarke was holding onto. His hands followed causing Clarke to break out in goosebumps. “Bellamy....aaaa...slooower.” Clarke had not been pleasured quite like this for some time. Bellamy listened to Clarke’s commands, and went slower, paced himself, leading the way with calm breaths and chaste kissing finally sucking on the inside of her thigh.   
Bellamy could feel Clarke tense up, so he hummed against the inside of her knee willing her to relax. “I’ve got you Clarke” Clarke was finding it difficult to stay still let alone breathe. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to push him away or kiss him senseless as a distraction or maybe even yank him closer to where she needed him most. This was getting very intimate. Too fast. But not fast enough. Just relax Clarke she kept willing herself to ease into his touch. Bellamy kept his ministrations languid but purposeful. Clarke put one of her hands on the top of his brown curls no longer able to resist pushing him towards where she was aching for him. Bellamy understood and finally pressed in towards her core with his chin, nose brushing against her bundle of nerves. Clarke inhaled with a sharp gasp. He was pleasuring her in a way that was overwhelming- purposeful- true intent behind every swipe of his tongue. Worshipping her fully. “Ooohh Bellamy... yes...right....mmm...there.” It was all too much and yet not enough at the same time. “Clarke ...your voice…may be the death of me.” He trailed his fingers down her knee reassuring her, giving her some time to readjust her legs before he continued, feeling how completely affected Clarke was by him. He paused and looked up at her from between her thighs and he swore she had never been more captivating. Her skin was flushed, a cross between need, heat, and shyness at their current situation. Clarke slowly propped herself up on her elbows a curious and surprised look on her face as she tried to figure out why he was stopping. What she found staring back nearly floored her completely- the reverence behind his eyes was too much to take in. His face was pure adoration. Clarke let a small tear escape her eye. He leaned all the way forward to wipe it away. “No more tears tonight.” Kissing her briefly before heading back down her body. He loved her so fiercely. He would do anything to make her happy.   
“Bellamy... You’re just.... this is all so ...” She was once again lost for words. She placed one hand over her eyes to shield herself from his penetrating gaze “Just keep going.” She was a little embarrassed about what she was revealing to him. She let out a growl of frustrated arousal as Bellamy waited for her to ready herself, he waited for her permission before he continued, letting his warm breath glide across the heat of her throbbing center. “Clarke, let me love you.” Tears were on the verge of spilling once again. This man. Wouldn’t shut up.  
“Bellamy I just need...” again she wasn’t exactly sure what she was pleading for-for him to stop or hurry the hell up. But when he slowly lowered his face back down to kiss her center letting a gentle press of his mouth touch her- she couldn’t escape the small moan that left her mouth. "Once I start, I won’t be able to stop Clarke.” Barely a brush of his lips against her bundle of nerves and Clarke felt like she was getting struck with a jolt of electricity. This wasn’t just foreplay for him-not a task he felt he had to do. It was a way to show her his love and he was so god damn good at it that Clarke was letting go of every single fear- she knew he was irrevocably in love with her and it finally didn’t feel too intimate. It felt right. Clarke needed more. He finally felt her let go of some tension-caution subsiding. It felt so good. She eased back into the bed, opening her legs wider, pushing her hips towards his face. “There we go…relax Clarke..you still with me?” She didn’t hesitate in her answer, repeating “always” and finally relaxing herself into the bed-although still somewhat tense. He didn’t need any more convincing. They were always in sync and this was no different. Except for the fact it was completely different for them both, much more intense than either of them had ever experienced or shared with anyone in the past. He kissed her again slowly easing his tongue into her - pushing in against her folds stroking her slowly. He heard a small gasp; moans drawn from her voice and knew she was loosening up with every touch. She brought her hands back down towards his head. He dragged his warm tongue against her, and this time pushed deeper and harder into her bundle of nerves -swirling his tongue against her clit, causing Clarke to swing her leg out even further from the onslaught of pleasure. She was partly afraid to look down her body, knowing his beard was almost fully immersed within her. He splayed his large hand over her stomach to keep her in place. He circled against her nerves rougher than before, causing Clarke to grind into him, giving her pressure where she needed it most. The intensity was mounting even higher, Clarke was whimpering loudly. He knew all the right spots to make her lose control. “Bellamy!” Clarke thrust her hips against his mouth, and he took it as a sign to push into her at a quicker pace than before. As she writhed against him, her mind completely blank except for the overpowering love and admiration she felt for this man. He slowly included his hands into the mix, easing two fingers inside of her, working his pointer finger in a motion of a “come here Clarke” gesture within her. Her moaning becoming increasingly louder and more frequent. He was pumping slowly in and out of her, curling his fingers forward as he slowly thrust. His tongue was tracing circles much faster over her clit now enjoying what he was tasting there. Clarke was losing control and fast. “Bellamy ... I can’t hold on....much...mmm...longer” Bellamy peered up over her curves never losing focus on her eyes, mouth immersed in her. She could always read his mind. She could feel him smile slightly. His fingers on one hand danced faster over her as his tongue and teeth applied deeper pressure. Clarke’s chest rose and fell faster, her breathing and moaning becoming uncontrollable as her chest flushed a crimson red. He was humming into her now, low groans were coming from his mouth, she could tell how aroused Bellamy was. Her heels were digging into the sides of the bed, unable to hold still. “Just ... hang on... WAIT...” she growled.   
“Clarke we’ve covered this already ... it’s ok...I’ve got you." he went back in for more.  
“Bell! “  
“Shhh Clarke...it's ok”   
“BELLAMY BLAKE STOP!” She crushed her knees together on either side of his face. Essentially trapping him. He hummed loudly. The vibrations from his voice shot straight through her. He had heard that commanding voice before. He looked up into her eyes, wondering what he did wrong, wiping away a bead of sweat from his forehead. “I want to feel you too...when I let go. But I want to do that ...together.” Her shyness was forgotten as trust took over and although his lips still grazed her every curve Clarke pulled him back up her body slowly taking his face in her hands for a searing kiss. She was so close now it was almost painful, and the taste of herself on his lips almost sent her cascading over the edge.   
“Bell...” Bellamy loved the sound of his nickname on her lips. He lunged for her mouth, gripping her face and started drinking her in. He tasted like her and she loved every second of it. Before he could make sense of what was happening Clarke had flipped him onto his back. Forgetting just how strong she really was. Her thighs were gripping him, holding him down. She was in full control now. “Clarke! Bellamy...” his hands gripped the sheets as he sputtered trying to make any form of coherent communication. “Clarke, this wasn’t a part of my game plan”   
“I know. But it's my turn…I want to feel you inside me.” The sparkle in her eyes told Bellamy he was in serious trouble. This woman might be the death of him. But he couldn’t think of any other way to leave this planet than by her side. Clarke knew she wouldn’t last long but she wanted to give back an ounce of the pleasure he had given her. Her nerves were dissipating, and she relished in the change of control as she slowly positioned herself over him, sinking down. She let out a long moan as she took him in, closing her eyes, steadying herself in the cradle of his hips. She was feeling things she didn’t know were possible. She trusted him in every way. She started to move, faster than Bellamy had anticipated “Clarke, now you have to slow down” He felt so good around her that she almost hissed when he slowly sat up in the bed shifting his body, moving her so she was chest to chest with him. “You need to be closer to me.” It had been so long for them both and so much sexual tension between the two —everything led them to this night together and finally they were on the same page. There were no more words, explanations, or wasted time. They needed nothing but to finally feel the other connecting as one, erasing the hurt caused by years of missed opportunities. This position allowed Bellamy to shower Clarke in a sea of tenderness. And they started moving in rhythm. Complete sync with the other. They were nose to nose moving together fervently. Clarke was so close to falling, wrapping her legs tighter around his waist. She brought her arms around his neck holding on to his shoulder blades for support. This position was making the depth of his thrusts hit every single nerve. They were rocking back and forth languidly. Bellamy was holding onto Clarke’s lower back with one hand trying to help her grind into him even faster than before breathing soft affirmations in her ear. “You feel...so good Clarke...” Bellamy was having a hard time expressing just how good this felt. He knew for certain that what they were doing was the definition of making love. Bellamy was making love to Clarke. Pure ecstasy taking over. “I love you Clarke” now that it was out there, he couldn't stop saying it. Beads of sweat were breaking out on Bellamy’s forehead, down his back and Clarke was sweating down her chest from the friction. They were both deepening their kisses, his tongue tracing circles against her own. She was stroking the roof of his mouth. It was slow and erotically intense. The sensations were overwhelming them both. Clarke could feel the fire left from his hands as he pinched her nipples and stroked against the back of her spine with his hands. His hands were giving her more pleasure than she had ever felt, he left no skin untouched. Their sounds were filling the air, lewd drawn out moans, heavy breathing, and grunts particularly from Bellamy when Clarke pulsed her inner muscles around him. Clarke couldn’t hold back the noises she was making if she tried. “Clarke...I’m really close.” He was holding her so tight, close enough she felt his breath on her face, kissing the sweat from her forehead as her legs started to shake. Clarke was on the verge herself, this was overpowering her senses. “Bellamy... mmpppfff Bell” she reached down to see where they were joined as his thrusts became more frantic. Their primal need for each other went far beyond the physical. They were a team, pushing and pulling towards the ultimate release. Her eyes slammed shut as he took her hand in his own and helped her rub small circles against her clit. “Look at me Clarke. Open your eyes. Right here.” He spoke gently into her ear nipping her ear lobe and kissing her cheek before pulling back to look at her. Clarke was biting down on her lip turning it white to refrain from crying out. He moved their joined hands away from her center to touch the lip she was bruising. She sucked his finger into her mouth mimicking what he was doing to her below with her tongue. She took his hand and put it back where she wanted it most.   
“so...aaaa....close...mmmm....a little...harder ” murmured into his mouth on a low guttural moan as she tried to keep her eyes open for him. She clutched at his shoulders, nails digging into his skin, breasts moving up and down from the tempo he was setting. Driving in deeper than before. She could feel Bellamy was getting close to letting go- so she looked him deep in the eyes. “Together” Clarke just couldn’t hold on any longer and came around Bellamy with a final cry of release, her spasms were fluttering around him rapidly – causing Bellamy to grip her thighs like a vice, pumping into her, snapping his hips, groaning in pleasure. Every vein in her neck was protruding outward and her forehead was crinkling with what looked like pain but was indeed the most intense pleasure she had ever felt, down to the marrow of her bones. Her skin was soaked with sweat from the exertion. The feeling of her trembling walls around him sent him over the edge, letting go hard inside of her. His mind going blank except for the feeling of her and the way she was looking at him as she came. They were slowly rocking in motion to ease through it - not wanting it to end.   
After what felt like hours, Bellamy finally leaned all the way forward laying Clarke’s shoulder blades on the bed still coming down from their high, their breathing labored. Calming their hearts. Bellamy slowly slipped away from her warmth, both sighing from the loss of contact. They were panting, physically and mentally exhausted from their endeavors. Minutes rolled by and they were both still trying to catch their breath, “Clarke, that was...I don’t honestly have the words for what that was” he breathed deep trying to slow his heart rate. He placed one hand on top of her glistening stomach willing her to look at him, turning towards her on the bed, pushing away damp strands of hair from her face. She finally turned to him with a smile that could light up the entire galaxy. He took her hand in his own kissing her knuckles and holding them to his beard, closing his eyes. “You’re so beautiful.”   
He went to get out of the bed when Clarke put her hand on his... “No, don’t leave… lay here awhile longer with me..don’t leave me Bellamy.” Bellamy could see the fear behind her eyes. “Hey... Clarke...I’m not leaving you. I’m right here. I promise.” She laid her head back on his chest, gripping the arm that was around her tightly and let out a sigh. “I’m never leaving you again Clarke.” She looked up into his eyes and shook her head with a small smile. She finally drifted off to sleep for the first time in weeks. Bellamy was truly the luckiest man, everything he needed was in his arms. She was safe, within his strong hands, her home. He kissed the crown of her head, cradling her face towards his heart and shut his eyes following her into a much-needed slumber. They would figure this out. Together. They would make it. They were a team. Soulmates. The head and the heart. Always. 


End file.
